A BOY NAMED NACHO
By E.G. Brady

One of the many challenges an American must face when married to a relatively head strong Mexican woman is deciding on a child´s name that will work in both countries. By the time we have finished shooting down each other´s choices and suggestions, there´s not much left on the list. First off, she always wanted to name her firstborn son Jesus, which is not exactly a comon name for folks whose last name is Brady. Furthermore, it is pronounced very differently in Spanish than in English. And finally, I would hate to bring a lid into the USA with a nickname like "Chuy" (pronounced "Chewy"). You have to watch out for those automatic nicknames that are harder to shake than a beartrap. Most American versions are fairly logical; often just the first syllable as in Fred, Tim or Chris, or maybe with a Y tacked on at the end. The most far out ones may include Bill, Bob or Jack. Here in Mexico, though, they have some real stretchers and you might have a daughter known as Lala or Kukis (Koo-Kees) because you unwittingly named her Laura or Concepción. Or imagine a son called Memo or Kiki because your señora insisted on naming him an innocuous sounding Guillermo or Enrique. Actually, it seems that most Spanish nicknames start with "ch" or else contain those letters, though nobody I know can think of a formal given name that starts with "Ch". Angel becomes Changel. Alfonso is Poncho. Francisco is Pancho. Aniseto is Cheto. Ernesto is Che. Anastasio is Tacho. Rosario is Chayo. Santiago is Chago. Maximina is Chimina. Vicente is Chente. Isabel is Chavela. Sergio is Checo. Graciela is Chela. And, believe it or not, a cerveza is a cheve! There are many names that have no nicknames (Juan, Roberto, Martha, Edtih) but do not work for other reasons, like pronunciation. Down here, Daniel is spelled correctly but pronounced Danielle, not a good choice for a son, unless you´re a big fan of that country classic A Boy Named Sue and want your kid to grow up mean. I insist on avoiding names with a J in them, which naturally many Americans will pronounce the way God intended a J to be pronounced.

 Ñ´s and ll´s are also best ruled out. R´s are especially risky; not only do Americans not roll their r´s properly, but in Mexico Kurt, Shirley and Earl come out sounding like Koort, Shearlay and Eh-yarroll. Then there is the "it sounds stupid" factor. It seems that both my givens convert to names that in Spanish sound comical. For national security reasons I am allowed to reveal only my initials, but I am at liberty to say that their Spanish equivalents are Eugenio and Gregorio (Goyo).At first, when my wife vetoed both of them, I suspected her of reteliating for my veto of Chuy, but all of my local friends assured me that these were in fact ludricous names that would cause a child to be ridiculed and ostracized in schools and playgrounds. Genio means both a genius and, more commonly, a stuffed shirt or pompous windbag. Gregorio went out of style shortly after the Second Crusade and no famous actor has come along to revive it. Of course, truly odd names like Humberto, Adolfo and Ignacio (Nacho!) are perfectly acceptable down here. So, my poor father and forefathers are rolling in their graves because I did not pass on to my son the sacred first name that seven consecutive first born Bradys have proudly claimed. All because it sounds stupid in Spanish. Similarly, my maternal grandfather´s name, Leon, translates as lion and animal names are not cool here. Even a fine Irish name like Rory, made famous by manly men like Rory Gallagher and Rory Calhoun, in Spanish has connotations of "sissy". Having felt the pain of growing up with a name which suddenly became a schoolyard joke, thanks to a TV show best forgotten, I wanted to make sure that my child received a name he or she would never resent and maybe someday sue me for. A name can scar a person for life, just ask my old friends Beef, Buzz, Lard and Cosmo. National security reasons prevent me from disclosing what my wife and I finally compromised on, but I am at liberty to assure the reader that I can correctly pronounce one of his two names. And if the kid doesn´t like ´em, tough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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